5th Issue: 3 Comforts that will stop Self-Defeating Behaviours.
As we approach 2025, many of us are crafting ambitious plans and dreaming big. Yet beneath our optimistic resolutions lurks a subtle adversary - ourselves.
The Hidden Battle Within
Self-sabotage is a complex psychological mechanism where we unconsciously undermine our own success. This internal conflict often manifests when we're closest to achieving our goals, making it particularly relevant during New Year planning.
Understanding the Saboteurs
Deep-Rooted Obstacles
The primary barriers that hold us back include:
Deeply embedded negative beliefs that conflict with our conscious desires
A foundation of low self-worth that whispers "you don't deserve success"
Persistent anxiety that paralyzes progress
An overwhelming need to control outcomes
Self-Sabotage vs. Self-Defeating Patterns
These two concepts, while related, operate differently:
Self-Sabotage Characteristics:
Actively undermining success when it's within reach
Stems from a need to maintain control over outcomes
Often occurs during moments of potential achievement
Usually involves conscious choices and actions
Tends to be situational and goal-specific
Can be recognized and modified more readily
Often triggered by fear of success or change
Manifests as procrastination, perfectionism, or self-handicapping
Self-Defeating Behaviors:
Deeply ingrained negative patterns
Rooted in core negative self-beliefs
Operates on an unconscious level
Persists across various life situations
More challenging to identify and change
Often linked to early life experiences
Frequently appears in depressive states
Shows up as chronic underachievement or self-deprecation
The Depression Connection
Self-defeating behaviors frequently accompany depression, creating a challenging cycle. What's crucial to understand is that treating depression alone may not address these ingrained patterns, and conversely, these behaviors can intensify depressive symptoms.
Breaking Free: Three Essential Steps
Awareness: Recognize your specific patterns of self-sabotage
Acceptance: Acknowledge these behaviors without harsh self-judgment
Action: Implement small, consistent changes while building self-compassion
Remember, change doesn't require a complete personality overhaul. By identifying and gradually adjusting these patterns, you can align your actions with your aspirations for the coming year.
Being well-aware of my self-defeating behaviour, I would like to share 3 comforts that will help You.
1st Comfort: Become the Editor of Your Story. Master skill of Cognitive Restructuring.
❓Where, why and when did I find about it? Negative beliefs have been the main poison of my life. Finally, I am exploring them at this stage of my life to beat anxiety and grow. What I am discovering it’s not a miracle, it’s a skill that I am slowly becoming better at and see small incremental changes in my life happening.
💪 Effort: Medium
💰 Cost: 0$
⏳ Time it takes to complete: 15-30 minutes for 1 Believe
🕰️ When: Now! There is no better time to beat Your negative beliefs. Everyone has them, why would You carry all that weight into 2025?
📋 Instructions:
Choose the first negative belief that you want to work on. (It was hard for me to do it as I made a list of 20!)
Get Cognitive Restructuring Sheet and analyse it to understand.
Rewrite the belief to a positive belief.
Rewriting can be difficult.
That’s why I love this approach to rewriting by Dr Christian Heim - a great method where You can use the following to make easier transition:
Qualifiers
Conditional phrases
The positive flip
Thought-chains
Associated thoughts.
It will take more time to rewrite them, but rewiring the brain takes time, doesn’t it?
You can simply jump from 1 belief to the complete opposite in 1 day.
You can read more about method here.
The one that was most helpful for me is Thought Chains method. Check it out!
Add it to Your affirmations list and remind yourself about your new belief every day for the next 3-6 months. Sticky notes on the mirror and computer help if you forget to open Your journal:)
🔬 Science:
Cognitive restructuring (CR) has substantial scientific evidence supporting its effectiveness as a therapeutic technique. Here's an analysis of the research evidence:
Clinical Evidence
Meta-Analysis Results
A comprehensive meta-analysis of four studies with 353 clients showed:
Correlation coefficient of r = .35
Effect size equivalent to d = 0.85
95% confidence interval of 0.24 - 0.443
Neurobiological Support
Brain imaging studies reveal that cognitive restructuring works through:
Decreased activation in the amygdala
Increased activation in prefrontal cortex regions
Enhanced cognitive control of emotions5
Mechanism of Action
Neural Pathways
CR operates through two primary mechanisms:
Bottom-up reduction in subcortical structure activation
Top-down increase in prefrontal cortex activation5
Therapeutic Process
The effectiveness stems from a systematic approach:
Identification of problematic thoughts
Evaluation of cognitive distortions
Development of rational responses
Implementation of new thinking patterns6
Clinical Applications
CR shows particular effectiveness in treating:
Depression
Anxiety disorders
Social dysfunction
Post-traumatic stress disorder4
The scientific evidence demonstrates that cognitive restructuring is not merely theoretical but produces measurable changes in both brain function and clinical outcomes, supporting its use as a primary therapeutic intervention.
2nd Comfort: DBT skill: Interpersonal Boundaries
❓Where, why and when did I find about it? Inability to build boundaries is a form of self-defeating behaviour. I had to learn it the hard way and still keep building my skill from 0. It takes time, but it is effective.
💪 Effort: Medium
💰 Cost: 0$
⏳ Time it takes to complete: I suggest spending 30 minutes
🕰️ When: When you feel you have problem with boundaries
📋 Instructions:
Follow instructions on DBT website
🔬 Science:
Treatment Outcomes
Research involving 57 adults showed that interpersonal effectiveness skills led to:
Significant improvements in psychological distress
Enhanced quality of life
Better mindfulness capabilities
Improved interpersonal effectiveness over a 6-month period4
3rd Comfort: Get Restorative Sleep with 10-3-2-1-0 rule
I am a strong believer that self-defeating starts with sabotaging Your sleep.
Sleep is our life saver and restorer. The moment we stop caring about our sleep, we are defeating ourselves.
Sleep plays three crucial roles in metabolic and cognitive health:
Fat Burning and Insulin
Sleep deprivation reduces fat cells' insulin sensitivity by 30% and decreases total-body insulin response by 16%, comparable to differences seen between obese and lean individuals1. Just four nights of poor sleep can require three times more insulin to achieve normal metabolic responses, directly impacting fat burning and weight management1.
Brain Cleaning
During sleep, the glymphatic system dramatically increases its activity, with 90% of brain waste clearance occurring during this time2. This system expands the brain's extracellular space during non-REM sleep, particularly during slow-wave sleep, leading to enhanced toxin removal and improved cerebrospinal fluid circulation2.
Neural Plasticity
Sleep actively promotes neuroplasticity during non-REM sleep phases, leading to improved learning and task performance3. During REM sleep, neural plasticity decreases to stabilize previously learned information, preventing new learning from overwriting existing knowledge3. This dual process ensures both the acquisition and preservation of neural connections.
If You implement any of these 3 comforts- start with this one it will be so much easier to find energy to implement other comforts
❓Where, why and when did I find about it? I have been experiencing sleep issues for most of my life. I am still searching for the best methods that could work for me personally.
💪 Effort: Low
💰 Cost: 0$
⏳ Time it takes to complete: Day
🕰️ When: If You have issues with sleep
📋 Instructions:
10 Hours Before Bed
Stop consuming caffeine, as it takes approximately 10 hours to leave the bloodstream. Caffeine interferes with sleep by inhibiting adenosine, a crucial compound for deep sleep2.
3 Hours Before Bed
Cease eating and drinking alcohol. Late meals can disrupt the circadian rhythm by forcing digestive muscles to work instead of rest3.
2 Hours Before Bed
End all work-related activities, whether physical or mental. This period is crucial because "sleep is not like a light switch you flip off and on," requiring time for the mind to unwind2.
Also stop consuming fluids 2-4 hours if you keep waking up to go to the bathroom.
1 Hour Before Bed
Eliminate screen time completely. Scientific evidence shows that blue light from screens disrupts circadian rhythm and delays sleep onset by inhibiting melatonin production, which is essential for initiating sleep2.
0
Avoid hitting the snooze button in the morning to maintain consistent sleep patterns2.
IMPORTANT: Here are some of the other things that may be affecting your sleep:
High Histamine Diet and Histamine Intolerance. Histamine release happens at around 3 a.m. so if you wake up around that time, then You
Insulin issues and low glucose. Monitor how each food affects Your sleep and waking up cycles.
High glutamate levels
Low serotonin
Low melatonin
Hormone imbalances
Chronic inflammation
Low Magnesium
Conclusion
As we stand on the threshold of 2025, it's time to turn our gaze inward and confront an uncomfortable truth: often, we are our own worst enemies. But this realization isn't meant to discourage us. Instead, it's an invitation to embark on a transformative journey of self-discovery and growth.
The Mirror of Self-Reflection
Let's approach this introspection with compassion and curiosity. What patterns have we developed that hold us back? What fears keep us tethered to our comfort zones? By shining a light on these internal obstacles, we can begin to dismantle them.
Embracing Self-Alliance
The coming year offers a unique opportunity. Instead of battling against ourselves, we can choose to become our own strongest allies. This shift isn't about perfection—it's about progress and patience.
Steps Towards Self-Support:
Practice daily self-compassion
Celebrate small victories
Reframe "failures" as learning experiences
Align actions with core values
The Power of Practice
Remember, supporting yourself is a skill—one that improves with consistent effort. Start today, even with the smallest act of self-kindness. Each day presents a new chance to strengthen your self-alliance.
As we step into 2025, let's make a collective commitment. Not just to set goals, but to nurture the part of ourselves that believes in those dreams. With love, compassion, and unwavering support for ourselves, we can transform not just our individual lives, but the world around us.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Take that step today, and watch as 2025 unfolds into a year of unprecedented self-growth and achievement.